the relationship between the artist and his subject matter

"...it's like the photographer and his barenaked model but you hate it..."

my earliest memory is the morningstar i used as my graphical language, medium : pencil, crayons. the color i used, it should fill the whole canvas. but i failed. limited time. not the star of david, but this black metal five pointed star. i was 6 years old back then.

the next was flowers. really? i can't remember, i should ask my sister, the best critic i had. it's my entry for my graduation from kindergarten to primary one. it should be on top 6, but i couldn't even reach top 10. and i lost hope for my art.


let me skip this part first. i don't remember i did an artwork out of frustration or because i'm so in love with the subject matter that i draw or paint. no, we're not not romantically linked. say, the girl you love so much is on my canvas, it took me less than an hour to illustrate, an hour for photoshop work. now you ask, why she was there? because it's mean to be there. because the value. because there's something to be shared. it was meant to be public (until i was asked to dropped it). because it's my graphic nature since ages that taught me i have to put something on the canvas.

not because i didn't love you.

so i love the star, the flower, the voltron, the sylvester stallone on guns, the green mean creature, the street fighter 2 on super NES, the nirvana in pyjamas, i wanna make love with them.

you get the idea?

it's an insult if i have to remove things out of my page due to your jealousy on the subject when nothing's happened between the two.

it was meant to be there because i have to work on it.

that's what i mean with thinking out loud.


now, if you can excuse me...